No One But Me
by Elephantastiic
Summary: When one of the detectives is called for a therapy session, the life story comes out. Rated T for now but the rating will change for later chapters. Romance  Mainly E/O  is included!
1. Tribulations

**This is a story about a certain detective's life told from her perspective. A little more in depth of what we already know. I'll be sure to include the facts but at the same time some things will be added I made up. Starting in the second chapter, she'll be telling her story but it won't be in quotations. When it switches back to her in the psychiatrist's office or anywhere outside of it, then I'll use quotations for dialogue.**

**I also will include scenes with the other detectives and that will be written in third person.**

**Also, some parts in the story will be like flashbacks. When the text is in italics, it means Olivia is remembering what happened. The shrink won't know but you will. You'll find out soon enough. ;)**

**This is also a tester story. I'm trying out this kind of writing and seeing where and how it goes. If you see something that can be improved or you don't understand, please let me know!**

**Chapter One: Tribulations**

Telephones ringing, chattering among the employees, and papers shuffling. Everything sounded and looked normal in the squad room but only four operatives knew there was something that was being hidden. The secret involved two of the four. We all talked amongst ourselves when the lock on the Captain's door clicked, the door opened, and he stepped out.

"Detective, come here please!" Captain Don Cragen called from his office. All four looked his way but he made it obvious which one he wanted to see. He didn't look angry but he did beckon one of his four detectives to his office which often meant it was a serious matter. I stood up and walked towards the boss. All eyes were on the me as they trailed after me into Cragen's office. The other three looked at each other with concern. They tried not to think of the worst but it was hard not to. If it was good then the announcement would've been made in front of everybody. So much has gone on in the past eleven years they began working as a team. Maybe this was just one of those checkups. If it was, then why didn't Cragen give them all a heads up about the evaluation like he usually does? He's singling me out; it's only a sign of trouble and anxiety.

The door closed and everybody fell silent. No more phones being answered, no more chatter, and no more papers. Just the sound of silence and the strong tension amid the room.

"Detective this is Dr. Avery Collins. He's taking over while Dr. Huang is in Beijing for the month." Cragen explained.

The doctor and I shook hands but that didn't help my confusion any less.

"Nice to meet you, Detective." He said. He had cheery blue eyes, almost like crystal, that hid behind glasses. His sandy brown hair was tousled in a professional way but also uncovered his age: young and new. We were around the same height, he was easily a few inches taller. He had straight white teeth that were revealed when he spoke.

A small sigh escaped my lips, expecting a distressing time with an inexperienced psychiatrist talking about God knows what. Cragen didn't say anything about it but I was pretty positive he heard it and didn't like it.

"Captain, how long is this going to take? I have to get started on a case and-"

"Don't worry," Cragen interrupted, "It is imperative that you do this before you go back out on the field. The others can handle the case while you take as much time as you need and handle this." The last sentence was directed more towards Dr. Collins. There was a silence for a few seconds and Cragen spoke up again.

"If there's nothing more, go ahead in the therapy room and begin the examination. I expect good results."

Nodding, we both left the office and into a cozier and quieter room that was Avery's temporary office. It was decorated with a suede couch, leather chairs, and relaxing photos.

"Sit down," Collins offered and gestured towards the suede sofa. Once we were seated, the first words didn't come from the doctor.

"I haven't been late, I haven't been sleeping on the job, I didn't kill anybody recently, and I don't think I let a perp get away unless you know something I don't. There's nothing to discuss. Can I go now?"

"Hold on detective, do you know why you're here?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me."

"Your boss called me in for a few things. He was concerned about your stress level because to him it seems to be affecting your job. So, he called me in to talk about your whole life. The day you were born until now. We can take as much time as we need to get the job done. I'm going to be taking down your state of mind now and when we're finished, I'll see if you've changed any."

"My stress level has _not_ altered my work performance in any way. This is ridiculous."

Avery watched me stand up and storm to the door. He remained seated.

"The beatings of perpetrators for confessions, the abuse of a poisonous drug, you know what I'm talking about. The shrooms-"

Irritation instantly hit me. I whipped around, "Those perps asked for it! Plus, I was involuntarily exposed to whatever the hell he had in that pot! My boss knows I've never done drugs in my life! You can't use _that_ as a reason to make me stay. I'm fine!" The doorknob was quickly turned but the door only opened to a small crack. It stopped when the shrink finished his sentence.

"And the love interest with your partner proves something in your personal life _is_ conflicting with your work. Your boss frowns upon coworker relationships so we should get that fixed before you return to work. Those are only the major topics. Trust me, there's more. Your boss is very observant. For a detective, you're good a spotting when someone is lying but you're bad at doing it yourself." He sighed and removed his glassed, "Look, I'm only trying to help you here. Not me, not your boss. If you go back there without the progression Captain Cragen is looking for, it'll only make his consideration to remove you from the squad easier."

Silence and tension. As much time as my job takes up and as much stress it causes me, I love it too much to risk losing it. I closed the door and sat back down on the sofa with a huff.

"Good, maybe it's something in your past or present that's been weighing you down but we won't find out until we sort it out chronologically. Maybe you'll discover that it's something you didn't know was still on your mind." He pulled out a notebook and pen and flipped to an empty page. "You can say whatever you want. I'm not going to record anything about your life, just any emotions that might come out of them. Then, I'll evaluate those."

"I've done this before."

The pen clicked.

Avery spoke first, "Please state your full name and your position."

Sighing, I spoke.

"Detective Olivia Benson, NYPD Special Victims Unit."

He smiled and leaned back on the leather chair comfortably.

"Let's begin, shall we?" He said. We both knew that this was going to be a very long process. I was just dreading it more than Avery was.

**Side Thoughts: Should I continue it? Penny for your thoughts? **


	2. Origin

**I'm not using quotations when Olivia tells her story because it'll be like she's tell you (the reader) and the therapist at the same time. Only the info about her life pertains to the therapy session. **

**New change: In the flashbacks, Olivia is telling the shrink everything I thought they would be good not only to help Olivia tell the story to show how it happened during the time.**

**Chapter Two: Origin**

"Let's start from the beginning." Dr. Collins tells me. I stare at him intensely. He knows I don't want to do this. He's probably gotten the vibe that I don't like talking about my past. Cragen told him to examine me anyway so he decides to just bend over and take it.

I was born on December fourteenth, nineteen sixty-eight. My mom told me she went into labor in her car while going to work. She almost got into an accident. It was fortunate that she stopped in front of the hospital on the college campus she worked at. What wasn't fortunate was she had to do it all by herself. There was no man in her life so she had to do most things in her life by herself.

"What happened to the father?" Collins asked.

I looked up at him, I didn't realize I glaring down at the table for so long.

"I never knew him." I answered.

I was a child of rape. Joseph Hollister raped my mother and she decided to keep me. It scarred her for life and she didn't want to know anything about me. My health, my gender, she didn't even want to see the ultrasound when offered. I know that because I asked her and she told me, she was drunk at the time so the whole truth came out. Not the parts that will cause you as little pain as possible. When she enjoyed talking about my birth, she talked about all the possibilities for names. For boys it would Alex, Chase, Blake, or Oliver. For girls it was a choice between Christine, Erica, or Serena. When I was born, she really liked the name Oliver since it mean olive tree and an olive tree was a symbol of peace. I don't blame her for wanting peace in her life. Even though it was far from peaceful when she started reliving her rape. I was seven and that was the first time I've seen her drunk. Things like that, you just don't forget. No matter how young you are.

**March 17, 1968 – 36 years previously**

_The school bus dropped me off in front of my stone pathway that day. Usually my babysitter stayed at the house when I got home from school because my mom worked later than my school stayed open. This time was different. When I got home, she was sitting on the couch with a glass full of gin but at the time I thought nothing of it. When she looked at me, her eyes were bloodshot. The only time I saw that when people were crying but she didn't show any signs of tears. I still thought something was wrong so I sat next to her. She smelled strong of alcohol but I didn't know that then. I just thought it was a new type of perfume she bought. I decided to think of the highlight of my day to cheer her up._

"_Mommy! For show and tell today, this one girl brought in a picture of her when she was in her mommy's tummy. Do you have mine?"_

_Her words were slurred, "No. I dun wanna be reminded what that bastard did to me." _

_I didn't understand but it concerned me greatly, "Did what? Who, mommy, who?"_

"_The asshole deserves to burn in hell for raping me." She said through her teeth._

_Next thing I knew, she's screamed at the top of her lungs and threw the glass at the wall. It shattered instantly. She didn't even notice that I was there. It scared me; she scared me. I eventually got used to it and over the years, her drunken rages gave me the job of cleaning up the shards of numerous broken glasses and vomit. _

**xxxxx**

At that time, I didn't know what rape was. It would replay in my mind over and over again until I was old enough to understand. Then I did more research on the topic and I began to put the pieces together. I figured out that I was my mother's rapist's baby. It definitely changed me. By the time that point in school came, where cliques began to form and gossip was discovered, I didn't like to befriend a lot of other kids my age. Mostly because of them finding out the truth about my mom I was always afraid of them wanting to come over my house. I always envied the other girls who had sleepovers every weekend with their friends. I didn't want my friends to come home to my drunken mother. The girls I did become friends with always got an excuse as to why they couldn't come over. I spent the time avoiding my intoxicated mother in my room reading and studying. Reading took me to a place where I could get away from the words "rape", "bastard" and "prick" all used in the same sentence.

I eventually became the top of my class by the time I got to high school. I also found my first real crush at the same time. His name was Danny Erin. He was the sweetest guy. We began to form a romantic relationship, at the time it was serious. Then he met my mother. He came over one day when I thought my mom was working but she was there, drunk, and mumbling on about her rape. I tried to play it off as not a big deal but it was until she asked inappropriate questions.

"What kind of questions?" The doctor asked.

If he's ever forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable with. If he's forced anything inside of me yet. That made him paranoid and Danny was out of my life but he didn't leave without telling the whole school about the questions. I loved my mom and when she was sober, she loved me too. It seemed completely different when she was drunk.

I didn't date again until I was sixteen. I was able to walk to Columbia where my mother worked from my high school. She was an English professor there and when I found her she was talking to one of her students. His name was Jake O'Connor. We introduced ourselves right before he left but we kept seeing each other. Eventually, we became close. He was twenty-one but I knew once we developed feelings for one another he would be the only one who could distract me from home.

"So what happened to him?" Doctor Collins asked.

"We were secretly dating for a year. Then he asked me to marry him and I said yes. At the time I was convinced I was in love with him. We only had to wait another year to make it official without her knowing." I replied.

**November 25, 1983 – 27 years previously**

"_Just a few more months." Jake said to me. His forehead was pressed against mine. _

_I nodded, "Have you picked out a month yet? I want this to be perfect." I replied. _

"_No, but trust me, it will."_

_We stopped a few feet away from my house whenever Jake walked me home from school. It would be out of my mother's sight so she won't see us and get suspicious. Especially since we were dating and ultimately getting married. Jake and I gazed into each other's eyes for a few more seconds, not wanting to let go of each other. The weather was getting cool and our noses were already red from the coldness but we didn't care. I've never felt so much love without having to compete with a bottle of liquor for affection. _

"_I should go." I told him. He smiled disappointedly but it only turned into a soft smile. _

"_Okay." He whispered and we kissed goodbye. I walked the extra distance and entered my house feeling nothing but happiness. _

_We agreed to keep it a secret for a little while longer. Everyday I anticipated a better life without the headaches just from the scent of alcohol. Or the peace and quiet I would get because I'd move in with him and be in a calm environment. She would have to clean up after herself. I would finally have a place to let my bruises and cuts heal. That life sounded amazing to me. When I walked inside, my mother was sitting at one of her two favorite spots to get drunk. There was a tall bottle of vodka sitting next to her on the table. My heart began to race but I pretended like everything was normal. I didn't say anything to her, I only proceeded to my room._

"_I heard you're dating that Jake kid." She slurred. I stopped in my tracks and turned to her. She only stared at me with a glazed look in her bloodshot eyes. I didn't say anything. _

"_Well, you better," She stopped to hiccup "Stop or else I'm gonna throw his sorry ass outta college. Then we'll see how you like dating a poor uneducated," Hiccup, "Man."_

_I became so angry. I didn't even want to know how she found out. I watched her take a large swig of the vodka._

"_You can't do that!" I protested. The guilt would be unbearable if I was the cause of Jake's unfinished education at such a prestige school. I know arguing was useless when her head was sloshed with liquor._

"_Watch me." She replied. "Then I'm going to monitor every boy in your life!"_

"_You don't have to worry about my life anymore. I'm moving out." I snapped._

_She stared at me for a few seconds and stood up. She lost her balance and knocked over the bottle. It broke in half with tiny other fragments scattering across the floor. She did her best to keep herself steady while she knelt down to grab the top half of the bottle. She grabbed the handle so tightly, I was almost certain she would break it. Next thing she does is charge at me with the bottle positioned at me. _

"_I'll never let anyone else have you!" She shrieked. She was coming closer and then she tripped on the edge of the couch and fell over. Her weapon flew out of her hand and shattered into another set of pieces when it hit the floor. I stared at her trying to get up and then the anger came back. Everything as going so fast. The next thing I did was kick her, two times. I kicked her as hard as I could. I was screaming things I would never call an adult. The second time, she was standing up but I kicked her again into the wall and she slammed against it and fall to the ground. Everything became a little more clear and I looked at my unconscious mother. Freaking out, I went to the phone and called for help._

**xxxxx**

I was nearly in tears when I finished the story. I laughed it off though. A small laugh to make it sound a ridiculous when it really wasn't.

"I actually had a case that was similar to what happened. It was a couple years ago I felt like I was reliving the whole situation over again."

I never told anybody what happened, except for a coworker who was also a close friend two years ago. I didn't even tell Jake why at the time. When I told him I wanted to call off the whole thing, including the relationship, he was so confused. It only added to the despondency he was feeling. I couldn't tell him why. He wouldn't look at my mother the same way again and he would probably say something to save our relationship and get him kicked out of school.

"What'd you tell him?"

"That I woke up and decided he was too old for me." I chuckled a little, only to stop more tears.

It only made things worse but I had to push him away somehow. I cried until I grew tired of crying which took…seemingly endless. At that time I wanted to kill my mother and then run away and then go kill myself. I'm glad I didn't because I also realized I loved my mother too much to hurt her or leave her and I also realized I was months away from going to college.

"Do you know where Jake is now?" He asked me.

"I believe my mother saw him at a reunion. He has a wife and son and lives in Long Island." I replied. My voice cracked a little and I noticed Avery writing down something on his notepad. Shit, my goal was to _not _show any emotion. I lost that contest the moment I sat down. I hate him a little.

I was convinced that nobody else would make me feel the same way Jake did. I only assumed college boys would be worse. I just had to wait until college to find out. The one thing I remembered was anticipating leaving my house and going to that live I dreamed of living with Jake.

Except at that time I wouldn't be with Jake.

**A little parting gift: This chapter dragged on a little bit. Sorry if it was boring. I'll try and make the next chapter better.**

**Next chapter? Olivia's college life. C:**


	3. Scholar

**Chapter Three: Scholar**

Once I left for Siena College, I had mixed emotions. I was happy that I was leaving the stresses of my house but at the same time I would constantly worry about my mother; if she'd be okay. The first few days, I would call her countless times and talk to her. Sometimes the main reason I'd call her was to make sure she didn't…

I paused to get the words together. I could feel the tears coming right away so to try and hide them, I looked up at the ceiling.

"Kill herself?" Avery finished. I nodded and looking down.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Tell me more about what happened during school. Your parties, your social life, relationships with teachers."

"I was mutual with most of my teachers." I told him.

"Were you _close_ with any-"

"If you're implying I was romantic with any of my professors, then you can just go to hell with that." He looked at me for a second and then wrote something down on his paper.

I never really liked going to a lot of parties. I spent most of my time in libraries or in my dorm, studying. Almost every weekend my partying friends would try and get me to go out with them. When I finally agreed to go to with one of them one night, I was really glad I did.

"Why is that?"

"I met the man I knew would change my life."

**April 5, 1987 – 25 years previously**

_I sat in one of my usual spots, in front of the desk, doing what I usually did, study. It was about to become much quieter because my roommate, and best friend, was about to go to her usual Friday night parties. Not without asking her traditional question._

"_Hey, Oli," Phoebe began. Oli was her nickname for me. Nobody else could call me that. At first I hated it, now it's tolerable, "Why don't you come with me?" _

_She's asked me every weekend to go with her to some wild party since we became friends, which was five months ago. Every time, I've declined. _

"_I think I'll stay here." I told her and smiled modestly. _

_Phoebe bounced childishly. The blonde curls that hung over her shoulders bobbed in sync. It was like this answer was new to her every time. She should be used to it by now. Usually, she would just say okay and leave. This time she stayed and her earthy green eyes stared me down. _

"_You never go out. Come with me this time." She begged and stuck out her glossed lower lip. _

"_I have this test next week and-"_

"_But that's next week! Just this one night!"_

"_What's so special about tonight?"_

"_The men are coming to the frat house down the street. They're from a marine academy or some shit. I heard they're here for our military facility but I don't care about that." She said while checking herself in the mirror, "I know you like the men in uniform just as much as I do."_

_It was true. I did have a weakness for strong arms, discipline, and brave hearts. I only watched her in the mirror. She always looked pretty, even when she wasn't even going out. I often wore sweats, no makeup, and my hair was always up in a ponytail. I often looked very plain. She caught the silence and knew I was thinking about it. _

"_Phoebe, I don't-"_

"_Just this one night and I will never ask you again. I promise."_

_I sighed and looked down at my outfit. A white tank top, grey sweatpants, and socks. My fingers were intertwined in my ponytail that was tied loosely on the back of my head. I looked at her for help and smiled a little. The biggest smile crossed her face and she took me into the bathroom. My flat and straight hair went wavy and voluminous, she put eyeliner and lip gloss on me, did my nails, and put me in a fitted shirt, jeans, and casual open toe heels. I felt so different, it even shocked me to look into the mirror. Phoebe thought I looked pretty. _

_The party was crowded and as soon as I walked in, I felt uncomfortable. I saw people I knew but the looks I got in return were from people who never expected me to be in a social setting. I didn't either. I stayed close to my roommate but strayed off a little when I saw people I could have a conversation with. It wasn't until I had to use the bathroom that turned my time from decent to terrible. _

_The trip to the bathroom wasn't the problem. It was the trip back and looking for Phoebe was when it happened. I searched the large house for her but couldn't find her anywhere. When I turned the corner I ran into a boy who was drunk and he took one look at me, then my chest, and smiled. He placed one hand on the wall to keep his balance and kept smiling at me. I smiled uncomfortably and made my way past him. Then, he grabbed my arm and turned me around._

"_Baby, baby, baby! Where are you going?" He said. His slurred words reminded me of my mother but the way he spoke disgusted me on a whole different level. _

"_I was just leaving." I told him and snatched my arm away. If I couldn't find Phoebe soon, I would just leave by myself. _

_He hurried in front of me, came closer and closer, and eventually I backed myself into the wall. _

"_Stay for a few more minutes, with me." He spoke unclearly. _

_I scoffed with disgust and turned away, trying to slip away. Before I knew it, he was the one who was pushed away. I saw him being pushed aside and another man was standing in front of me._

"_Is he bothering you?" The savior asked me. _

"_I-I don't- I mean, I guess." I told him, stumbling over my words. He pushed the drunk guy out of my way and looked at me._

"_Thanks." I said shyly and hurried towards the exit. I felt embarrassed and my somewhat good time was ruined. I immediately left, without looking for Phoebe any further. _

"_Hey!" I heard from behind me once I walked outside and down the steps. "Hey wait up!" _

_I kept walking until the person caught up with me. _

"_Are you alright?" He asked. I looked at him, the same guy who saved me. He definitely was a marine. I could tell by the way his hair was cut, his muscles and his posture. Aside from the maritime appearance, he also had light blue eyes and a tattoo of Christ on his left forearm as well as one on his right arm that was a little hard to make out. _

"_Yeah, I'm fine." I said and kept walking, not really wanting to talk._

"_I can walk you back to your dorm if you want. The party was starting to drag so I was gonna leave anyway."_

"_I'm sorry but I just want to be alone right now." I replied._

"_I'm not letting you get hurt." _

_I stopped walking, "You don't even know me." _

"_I know that not everybody who goes here is safe." He said sternly and then smiled sweetly. Something about his smile made it hard to reject him. _

_I sighed and kept walking._

"_Let me buy you a coffee, then." He insisted when we stopped in front of a cafe. I finally agreed._

"_Thanks." I said a little more comfortably. It made me a little more settled to see that he ordered coffee as well and that he really did care. _

"_There you are!" Phoebe intruded when she spotted me. She gave me a hug and smiled at my company. "C'mon, let's go back to the room." She told me and turned to my mystery friend. She pretended to be a fellow marine by standing tall and saluting. She was a little drunk and he knew that but he only smiled a pearly white smile and returned the salute. As we walked out, I looked over my shoulder and smiled. _

"_I owe you coffee." I told him before we exited._

_I never remembered to as for his name._

_Phoebe pulled me into the room and sat me down on the bed. She looked me dead in the eye._

"_What's Mr. Marine's name?"_

"_I don't know Phoebe, I was walking back and then he offered to buy me coffee and then-"_

"_Well, you just hooked a married soldier. He has a kid too."_

_I became a little scared, and glad we never exchanged names. I know young couples can be a little obsessive sometimes, especially with a daughter in college._

"_Well, he doesn't know who I am and will never see me again." I said, pretending to be cool about it._

"_He thought you were cute, though. There's no doubt about that."_

_My eyebrows raised a little, "H-He did? How do you know?"_

"_By the way he looked at you. Plus, he was sober, bought you coffee and walked you halfway back to your dorm without trying anything. He was definitely attracted to you."_

_I looked at the empty cup of coffee in my hands. I didn't admit it, but I was attracted to him too. I simply nodded and went to go get dressed for bed. On my way, I tossed the cup in the trash. _


	4. Rendezvous

**Author's Note: From this point on, I'll be going through every season up to season twelve. There will be spoilers.**

**Chapter Four: Rendezvous**

"I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark, here. The specific man you met in college, is he the same man who is currently your partner?" The shrink questioned.

I only stare at him with a look that's obviously testing him. I usually don't act like this, but today wasn't a good day to begin with.

When he finally caught on the idea that I wasn't going to answer, he huffed and looked down at his notepad. I wonder how much shit he's written about me. I also wonder how much of that is going to Cragen. He promised he would _only_ record any emotions I may have felt. Bullshit.

"Let's skip to when you began working for Special Victims." He said, a little irritated now that I'm beginning to rebel.

"What about it?" I ask, truly not knowing where to begin.

"How about you start with when you started it and why."

I started when I was thirty years old, eleven years ago. After I got out of college, I went to a police academy. Once I graduated, I worked for a different unit for the NYPD that dealt with rape victims. Ever since I learned about my mother, I've always wanted to help victims who have been sexually abused but I waited a few years to prepare before handling something to traumatic. The first day I was transferred to the sixteenth precinct, I was so confident and ready when I entered but so many surprises hit me at once. Not to mention, the sickness I felt when I saw my first severed victim. It was embarrassing to vomit at something everybody else has seen several times. It also raised question about how I would be able to handle this job.

"It seemed pretty tough." He stated.

"Everybody's first day at work is tough. It's just the job itself that has a different level of difficulty. A police officer's just seems to have one of the worst."

"Why don't you tell me more about yours?"

**September 5, 1999 – 11 Years Previously**

"_You're ready for this, Olivia. You've been training for eight years." I mentally told myself to get motivated for my first day working with Special Victims. They're probably the most elite unit I've ever studied while working with criminal justice. No matter what I wrote down, or told myself, for motivation, I'd have to do a lot of work and impress a lot of people to own up to the veterans who were already there._

_I took a deep breath before the elevator doors opened and I had to step out. I looked around and clutched onto the straps of my black bag tightly. Everybody is so busy; it gave me a little bit of relief that I wouldn't instantly be put on the spot. When I walked into the precinct, there were two desks facing each other and they were across from another pair of desks that were arranged the same way. The desks furthest away from the windows were empty. Everywhere else was full. I can only assume that one of those two empty desks is mine. _

_I approached one of the two desks that were across from the empty ones. One is occupied by a thin, presumably tall, man with dark, slowly graying, hair. The other one is a dark skinned woman with thick, curly, hair. She is also physically fit. She looks up at me and smiled kindly. Then, the man turns around and looks at me. When I made eye contact with the woman, I approached her._

"_May I help you?" She asks, but she gave off the impression she knew who I was all along._

"_I'm Olivia Benson. I'm looking for Captain Cragen." I reply. _

_Her eyes brightened, "You must be Stabler's new partner." She said._

"_And Alphonse's replacement!" The man chimed in. She rolled her eyes and turned back to me. I only smiled, not knowing what else to do._

"_Don't mind him. I'm Detective Monique Jefferies and that's Detective John Munch. I'm so glad they hired a woman. It was getting pretty lonely."_

"_Well, I'll be sure to fill any shoes as best as I can." I told her._

_She seemed pleased, "The Captain's office is right there." She said and pointed to the door that had his name etched on the glass. I nodded, smiled, and thanked her. After that, I was on my way._

_The captain is an average height, bald, man. He seems nice but at first glance, I could tell he wasn't the kind to take shit from people. He looks up, "How may I help you, miss?" He asked and set down the papers he was working on._

"_I'm Olivia Benson. I was sent here to work as your new detective." _

"_Ah, yes. I'm Captain Don Cragen. It's nice to have you on board." We shook hands and he reached into his desk and pulled out a shiny gold badge and a gun. My excitement grew but I had to remain professional. You could still smile and be professional, right?_

_He handed me the items and then sat back on his leather chair, "Your partner's name is Elliot Stabler. He's been with SVU for about four years now so he can show you the ropes." _

_I look down at the badge and gently run my thumb over it as if it was going to shatter if I put any pressure on it. The power and strength the badge has causes chills to run down my back. I realize that I have developed a new fear of misusing it as soon as it touched my palm. I look back at Cragen and smile appreciatively._

"_Welcome to the Special Victims Unit, Detective Benson." Cragen said. _

_My smile grew; I was overwhelmed with excitement, "Thank you, sir." Was all that came out. Anything else would be followed by giggles and screams. He nodded and dismissed me. As soon as I left his office, I was clueless as to what to do._

_Monique seemed to catch on because when I stood at the two empty desks, I didn't now which one was this Elliot Stabler's and which one was mine. She approached me instantly._

"_Welcome to the squad." She began._

"_Thanks!" I replied. It came out a little more high pitched than I initially intended. _

_She chuckled and I cleared my throat, "So tell me about my partner. Is there anything I should be aware of?" I ask._

"_He's very…" She chooses her words carefully, "Quick-tempered."_

"_More like explosive on an extremely short fuse." John muttered which made Monique glare at him. _

_I look at both of them, "He's really nice, though. He's great with the victims and he has a good heart." _

_I nodded and leaned against one of the desks, "Would it be okay if I sat at this one?" I asked Monique and set down my bag on the desk._

_She sounded hesitant, "Well-"_

"_Olivia!" Cragen called and beckoned me into his office. I immediately obeyed, leaving my bag where it was. When I got in there, it wasn't anything serious. He just needed me to sign a few papers that confirmed my transfer. _

_When I returned to the desks, one of them is occupied. My partner is finally here. I begin to get nervous. From behind, he looked very strong and tough. Somebody that wouldn't tolerate being pushed around. He was reclined against the chair and talking to Monique. When she noticed me coming out from the Captain's office, she nodded towards me, probably telling him that I was his new partner. _

_I walked towards them, ready to shake hands and time to get to know one another. _

_He turned around and I stopped and froze. The familiar blue eyes stared at me with the same shock I had in mine. The same man who bought me coffee when I was eighteen is now my partner. We dismissed the fact we knew each other before Monique and John realize there is something up. _

_We slowly approach each other and shake hands. _

"_You must be my new partner." He said. _

_It takes me a little while to remember how to speak, "Yes, Olivia Benson." _

"_Elliot Stabler." _

_There was a small moment of silence where he and I thought of so many questions to ask one another. I looked at the desk he was sitting at and noticed the one across from it was the one I asked for as well as left my bag on. Only, this time, his stuff was on it._

"_Is that your bag?" He asked me when he noticed that I was looking at it and obviously clearing out the awkwardness in the room. I nodded and rushed to get it._

"_Yeah, sorry. I thought this desk was the vacant one, I didn't know it was yours." _

"_You know what? Let's switch desks. You can have my old one." He said and began moving his things to the one that faced away Cragen's office._

"_That's okay, Elliot. All I have to do is move my bag-"_

"_No, I like this one better." He insisted. _

_I looked at him and then sat down. After I turned on my computer, I unpacked my things. Soon after, Cragen emerged from his office. _

"_There's been a rape in an brownstone over in SoHo. A Juliette Moore was found raped by her daughter's nanny when she was bringing her home from a sleepover"_

"_Did the daughter see anything?"_

"_Fortunately, she didn't. She was still getting her things from the car."_

_Everybody stood up and when I joined them, Cragen stopped me. _

"_This might be a little too much for you to handle on the first day. Take a few days for training and we'll get you out in the field by the next case." _

_When Cragen went back into his office, I let out a heavy sigh. The others must have heard because Munch approached me._

"_When we solve a case, we all go out for drinks. When we close this one, you're invited." _

_He smiled and left with Monique following him. Elliot stayed after for a few more words. _

"_You still owe me that cup of coffee." He says and gives me a small smile, almost like a smirk._

_I find myself smiling a little as I sit back down and begin studying some files Cragen put on my desk._

"They solved the case in a matter of days." I told Avery.

"What happened when you guys went out for drinks?"

"I secretly bought Elliot a beer and we didn't really talk about that night in college. I wouldn't be surprised if he forgot. Everything else involved getting to know one another."

"What happened on your first case?"

This situation still made my heart heavy.

"Uh.." I began, forming the words in my head and folded my hands together, "I definitely cried the first time I heard a story from a victim. I vomited after I witnessed a once beautiful girl who became blind and her face disfigured because of this man who raped her. I also couldn't sleep when I got home that night after seeing the perp, who killed the man who was once a rapist, commit suicide by stabbing herself in the leg and bleeding to death. Actually, I had trouble sleeping for a few days after that." I told him and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Is difficulty sleeping constant when you experience something traumatic?"

"It's been on and off. That was the first time I had trouble sleeping while working with Special Victims. It's not extremely consistent."

"Not even when you were being stalked by a Richard White?"

I froze a little.

"No, I didn't have any trouble with him. Solely because he was someone I really couldn't take seriously."

Okay, I lied a little bit. He did creep the hell out of me but it didn't affect my sleeping patterns. When he told me to meet him in the park, I was a bit nervous but luckily his arrest happened so quickly. The fact that he knew almost everything about me wasn't what shocked me. He knew everything about Elliot and that got me a fearful for him and his family. I still think about him even though nobody has seen him since.

"What about when you killed Roger Silver?" He asked and looked up at me.

I took a few minutes to think about it.

"It was the first time I've ever killed someone. I was going half crazy, wondering if what I did was right or wrong. My mother and I have never been very religious but I even went to church a few Sundays after it happened. The first time was with Elliot. His family is Catholic, so he invited me."

**January 13, 2000 – 10 Years previously**

_I stood there in shock. My head is spinning. Everything is moving so fast. I didn't even know I was standing there, frozen, for so long. Before I know it, Elliot is trying to relax my arms and hands that are still tightly holding the gun. My eyes don't move, though. They're fixated on the body that I just killed. Why? Why did I shoot him? Was it because he was about to shoot somebody? I don't know. I feel like I'm going to faint but my body doesn't hit the floor nor do I black out. I'm getting dizzier and dizzier. I feel sick and immoral. What if I hadn't killed him? Would he have killed someone else? _

"_Liv. Olivia." _

_The words echo slowly at first and then they become clear. I blink strenuously and look over at my partner with his hand on my shoulder. Finally, I drop my arms. _

"_Are you okay?" He asks me with such concern in his eyes._

_It took me a while to answer, "I…" I look at the lifeless body. "No. I'm not." I finally tell Elliot. By that point, I notice I'm shaking. Munch and Jefferies are looking right at me but their attention quickly turns to the medics with a body bag. I didn't want to see anymore so, I simply leave. _

_By the time I got outside, most of the police cars were gone and the ambulances were already on their way to the hospital. I walked down the street a little and stopped at the corner. I lean against a lamp post and look around. As I watched the cars drive past the crime scene, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was Elliot. _

"_So what happens now?" I ask, feeling the cool winter air brush against my hair. _

"_Cragen will be notified and on Monday, you'll be asked to see a specialist about what happened. Tonight, we can go get a drink. Sunday, if you want, you can come to church with my family and me."_

_I look at him, worried. "Elliot, I've never been to church for a mass before."_

_He smiled kindly, "There's always a first time for everything." _

_I nodded and looked back ahead at the cars. _

_The night Elliot and I went for drinks and it did help with my previous stresses. I told him all about my mother and growing up. What was surprising to me was, he didn't feel bad for me but he tried to understand and give me the comfort I needed. Also, I got to know more about him. He didn't tell me much about his childhood, just more about his family at home. _

_When Sunday rolled around, I was unsure how to dress. I dressed formally but not over the top. This was the first time I've worn a dress ever since I began working for SVU. I drove to the church that Elliot told me they always went to. There, I met his wife, Kathy, and his four kids, Maureen, Kathleen, Richard (but they called him Dickie) and Elizabeth. _

"_El, you never told me she was so pretty." Kathy said. It made me blush and smile, but I thanked her. _

_The church bells started ringing. It was time for mass to begin and everybody to take a seat. I took mine on the end, next to Elliot. I caught him looking over a few times to make sure I had everything under control. He knew I was nervous about this whole new trip and I don't deny that I was._

"I remember sitting there and looking out of the corner of my eye when I noticed him looking at me again. This time, I made eye contact with him and smiled. I was beginning to feel better about myself after what happened but he did something specific that made most of it go away and I knew we'd be close from that point on."

"And what was that?"

My lips curved upward into an involuntary smile, so much that my teeth showed. I couldn't see it but I knew it.

"He looked at me, smiled, and whispered, 'Everything will be okay in the end, Liv. I may not have the right answer for everything all the time, but just know I care.'"


	5. Lust

**Chapter Five: Lust**

"What was your relationship with Brian Cassidy like?"

I run my fingers through my hair, something I've been doing often lately. Maybe because I'm nervous?

"Wow," I exclaim, mostly to myself in a whisper, "I haven't talked to him in ten years."

When I look back up at Dr. Collins, he's sitting there, waiting patiently for my story.

When I first met Cassidy, he was sweet, cute, but a little naïve. It made me feel a little better about being new, I have to admit, but I never treated him like I was better like some of the others did. I tried to be the most patient with him and I could tell he appreciated that. He was Munch's partner at the time so he always went on cases with us. I guess you could say we would flirt a little bit from time to time. It never really got serious, no matter how hard he tried.

**January 6, 2000 – 10 Years Previously**

"_Elliot, you still coming for a few drinks with Olivia and me?" Cassidy asks Elliot as he leans back on his desk chair. Munch already declined the invitation. When we asked him why, he said he had plans. That's all we needed to know._

"_Sorry, can't. Kathy suddenly came up with the idea for a romantic dinner. She made reservations and everything. She said it had to be a surprise which is why I'm didn't know until now. Maybe tomorrow night." Elliot replies and grabs his jacket. _

_I simply sit and listen. He continues._

"_But don't let that ruin your night. How about you and Liv go and get to know each other? You two are both pretty new to the squad, so it'll be good that everybody is comfortable with one another."_

_Cassidy and I look at each other and smile warmly. _

"_Okay. Ready, Olivia?" He asks. I look at Elliot once more. He smiles and says goodbye._

_At first, sitting at the bar with Brian was a bit awkward. I don't know why, I never really was so tense around new people. I immediately connected with Elliot on the first day. We have a small conversation, drink for a few minutes in silence, talk, drink, talk, drink, this goes on for about the first thirty minutes._

"_So, Olivia," Cassidy begins and dangles his glass between his fingers. I look at him and smile nicely. "What made you want to join Special Victims?"_

_I don't want to fill him in on the gruesome details of my childhood, "My mother was raped and had me. Her rapist was never caught. It might be too late now. I don't want another woman to go through what my mother went through when she doesn't have to. A rape victim should always get a sense of closure and I've always wanted to help them."_

_I sip my beer, now desperately wanting something stronger after remembering my mother. This makes me want to see her soon. I order a small glass of vodka. When it comes, I drink most of it and the burn is strong. It helps._

_He looks at me with a big mix of sympathy and shock. I speak as soon as I get the chance so he won't ask me any more questions about it._

"_How about you?" I ask after I swallow the rest. _

"_I, uh, I had a relative that worked in this unit a few years ago. I've always looked up to him for his bravery so much that I wanted to be just like him and make a difference."_

_I smile and sip from my refilled glass. When I push back the intoxicated feeling I'm getting, I notice him looking at me admirably. _

"_What?" I ask, still smiling. _

"_I was just thinking about how beautiful women like you usually go onto modeling or acting or something. I really respect the fact that you went into something that makes a difference." _

_I remain smiling, except this time it's bigger. He's smiling too. He's not that bad after all. He swallows another drink and soon gets another refill. By then, I figured we were both drunk._

_I feel tipsy and flirty at the same time. Is that bad?_

_After one last drink, we leave. As we're walking, or staggering, down the street we're laughing and talking. We stop at the street corner and I lean against the lamppost. When I calm down from a drunken laugh, I look at him. He's close and he's looking at me. _

_Then, he kisses me. I kiss him back. Soon we're playing a rough game of tonsil hockey. His tongue is exploring my mouth and I'm letting him. This goes on for a few more seconds and he pulls away for air. It must be the alcohol because I feel turned on by his kiss. Otherwise, I would never kiss someone I barely know._

"_My place is down the street." He whispers. I nod. We run like idiots to his apartment but we don't care. _

_I'm kissing his neck while he searched for the right key. He's so drunk and distracted, it takes him a long time to find it. When he finally unlocks it, he pulls me inside. Our clothes come off and leave a nice little trail to the bedroom. _

"Then, it just happened. By the time everything settled down, I realized what happened was a mistake and I felt extreme guilt for breaking one of my big personal rules."

He looks at me, he doesn't need to ask what that rule is.

"I don't associate work with pleasure." I tell him. "My partner was the first to confront me about it. He knew we slept together."

The next day, he tells me he wants to see me again. I didn't really expect him to enjoy the drunk sex we had. I only saw it as _just_ a one night stand. Nothing that could prosper. He thought otherwise. After that, he began to get irritating. We would argue and he would make accusations. Six months after that, I was about to go on a date and I knew I shouldn't have paraded that in front of him because he was upset when I told him. Things were tense until he decided to transfer.

"What did you say before he left?"

"Nothing. He left while I was out."

"On a date?"

"No." I say sharply, "It was when I shot Roger Silver."

Collins quickly changes the subject, "Did you ever try and find your father?"

"I did. I listened to my mother's statement, searched her files, did everything I could. I was never lucky."

He raises his eyebrow, "That's all I really want to know about your first year. Unless there's anything else you want to tell me before we move on." He looks up at me over his glasses.

Yeah, because I _love _sharing my detailed history with a stranger.

I shake my head at his offer. I already have a good idea what the next question is going to be about.


	6. Matriarch

**Chapter Six: Matriarch**

It was about ten years ago, September seventh of two thousand, I was called into my boss' office after discovering the guy we were looking for. It gave me that good feeling inside, the one we all get when we've solved a case. Then, Fin told me Cragen wanted to see me. When I got to his office, there was this extremely somber atmosphere that filled the room. That good feeling I once had, left immediately. It was replaced with a feeling of anxiety. I _needed_ to know what happened even before anybody said anything. The air was getting so thick with tension, I felt like I was going to choke on it. He insisted that I sit down. It irritated me that he was so hesitant. Then the words hit me.

"_Your mother had an accident. I am so sorry. She didn't make it."_

Avery watches as I bite my lower lip when I stop to take a breather. I probably look as pathetic as I feel right now. I'm hugging myself and averting eye contact.

"She fell down a flight of stairs. She was drunk. I took some time off immediately after I got the news. I didn't even want to look at that case anymore."

"How'd you spend the time off?" He asks.

I sigh and shrug.

**September 7, 2000 – Ten years previously**

_I exit the Captain's office slowly but once I'm out, I snatch my jacket off of my chair and leave. I don't even say anything to Elliot, who watches me leave in extreme confusion. At least, I think he is. I didn't really look at anybody when I left. I hear him call my name once before Cragen calls him to look at something else. I glance at him to let him know I'm fine and he doesn't need to be concerned. When I do look at him, he's standing there. He was watching me leave the whole time. I give him a look, hoping it would send the right message. I think my puffy eyes and wet cheeks don't make it too convincing. I end up leaving, without telling him anything. _

_I don't know where I want to go and think. I really don't want to discuss it with anybody right now but home might be the only place I can think of. A bar would remind me too much of her. _

_As soon as I step in my apartment, I throw my coat on the couch and sit on the chair across from it. I guess I end up sitting here for more than a couple of hours because my thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. The sun is down and the street lights are already on by the time I become aware of the time. The knocking continues and I force myself up to answer the door. Elliot stands in the doorway with an armful of flowers and smiles sympathetically. _

"_Hey." He says comfortingly._

_I don't respond. I only turn back into my apartment and take a seat back on the usual spot. The chair reminds me I've been sitting there for a long time. The cushion is warm and dented. Elliot steps inside and closes the door with his foot. He sets the flowers in front of me on the coffee table._

"_The Chrysanthemums are from Cragen. The Lilies are from Kathy and the kids and the Carnations are from me." He explains._

_I nod, "Thanks."_

_Silence. I stare at the Lilies. Then, I begin to cry. Lilies were my mother's favorite flowers but I don't tell Elliot that._

_Elliot comes over and sits on the arm of the chair. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. I continue to cry into his shirt. _

"_Why did she have to die this way?" I sob. Elliot didn't need to answer it and he didn't. I can tell he's thinking the same thing, though. _

_All the questions I didn't get to ask her, I'll never be able to. All the information I never found out, I probably never will. _

"_Why couldn't I just be there for her?" I ask again._

_This time, he responds, "Liv, I'm sure she loved you very much. I'm sure this had nothing to do with you."_

"_If that prick hadn't raped my mother, she would still be alive right now."_

"_But then you wouldn't be here. Then, she wouldn't see what a good person you've become. You did everything you could to make her happy."_

_I inhale deeply for the first since I began my breakdown. I breathe in Elliot's scent. A subtle yet attractive and masculine fragrance. For a second my thoughts wander off of my mother and on what cologne El uses or if this is his natural aroma. It comforts me and I take in a few more deep breaths. I have to admit, it feels good to have someone comfort you when you've been without it for so long._

"_Liv." Elliot breaks my daze again._

"_I'm sorry." I whisper and pull away from him, thinking I made this awkward. He doesn't shift uncomfortably, though; he just stays there. _

"_I need to get back, but if you need me I'm just a phone call away. Okay?" He stands up and heads towards the door._

"_Okay." I whisper and walk him out. Before I close the door, he turns around and smiles. I smile back, weakly, and close the door._

**September 21, 2000 – Ten years previously**

_Three hours before the funeral and I finish talking to the victim. I'm desperate to get to the funeral home early just to have some time with my mother but they probably aren't fully set up yet meaning, they won't let me in. I sigh to myself and look around from the corner I'm standing on. I look further down the street and notice a scarlet colored awning. _

_The Velvet Room._

_I force myself to walk over there. When I step in, it's filled with smoke and people drinking. I can't help but to think that my mother was one of these people a few weeks ago. It's hard to even try and find the spot where she was sitting before she got up and left._

"_Excuse me. I was told that a woman left here right before her death on September seventh?"_

"_Yeah, I'm so sorry for your loss."_

_Swallowing hard, I look at the bartender. Did I make it that obvious?_

"_I don't know what you're talking about, but-"_

"_Honey, I see spouses that have been cheated on, divorced husbands, and grieving customers. You look like you're about to go to the funeral right now and "mourning family member" is written all over you. I know when a situation is personal."_

_I exhale deeply, "Was she saying anything before she left?"_

"_Something about an attack and a man."_

_I choke on my words before I speak, "D-Do you think it could've been a s-suicide?" I stutter._

"_Oh no, it was completely accidental. Don't worry, sweetie."_

_How can I not worry when my mother just died and I wasn't even there? I nod and thank the bartender. I leave but I stop when I'm facing the flight of stairs my mother died on. I stare down at the steps and there are little specks of her blood on every other stair. My breathing quickens and tears fill my eyes as I can only imagine how it happened. _

"_Olivia. Are you okay?" I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump. It was George Haung. I turn to him with a gasp._

"_Y-Yeah. I'm fine. What are you doing here?" I ask and quickly wipe the fallen tears._

"_I was on my way back from my office when I saw you. Do you need a ride somewhere?"_

_I shake my head, "No, I actually have to get going. The funeral starts soon."_

_He nods, "Let me take you."_

"_I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it."_

"_Then we don't have to."_

_I exhale deeply and look at the stairwell again. I look back at George's calm face and walk towards the awaiting car. _


	7. Captivated

**Chapter Seven: Captivated**

"So you and your partner are pretty close."

"Yeah, he's been there for me all the time. Even when there were times I just wanted to be alone. In the end, I always appreciate his support."

When I shot and killed Eric Plummer, I remember getting extremely angry at Elliot. Plummer was stalking me and he became worried. So much, that he had an officer watch over me while we worked on the case. After I killed Eric, I had to give my statement and Elliot wanted to take me. I told him to leave me alone. I'm glad he didn't.

**March 2, 2001 – Nine Years Previously**

_I didn't mean to kill him. _

_I didn't want to kill him._

_But I had no choice._

_Right? _

_He had a gun to the victim's head. Why would I risk an innocent woman getting shot by word of mouth? It's not my fault. _

_I close my eyes and listen to the rain pour down outside. I open my eyes to find them filled with tears. One stray tear trails it's way down my cheek but I don't give it any attention. A few knocks at my door let me know someone is worried about me. It's easily Elliot. I debate on whether I should answer it but I can't move from my spot. It feels like I have no energy left. The knocking stops for a few seconds and then the phone rings. I let that go too. Then it's silent for a few seconds, then a few minutes, and I realize he's already left._

_A part of me wants to apologize. He was only trying to look out for me. _

_Another part wanted to just let him go. He doesn't trust me enough to think I can take care of myself. _

_But our friendship is too valuable to risk over some stalker. _

_I shoot up and run towards the door. When I look out in the hallway, he's not there. Without thinking, I leave the building with no jacket or shoes and by the time I catch up to him, I'm outside in the rain. It's cold but I don't care, right now anyway. I look around to see a lone figure walking off. By his masculine build, and the way he walked, I knew it was Elliot._

"_El!" I scream. The rain is loud but I have his attention._

"_Elliot!" I call again. This time he turns around. He sees me standing in the rain, soaked, and waiting. _

"_Olivia, go inside! I'll see you tomorrow!" _

_Have today's events made me delusional? What made it so important that I had to run in the pouring rain to catch Elliot? What makes me feel like if I let him go, I'll lose him forever?_

_I look twice as crazy by just standing there, unresponsive, and lost in my thoughts. Next thing I know, Elliot wraps his jacket around me and is trying to leave me inside._

"_I-I.." I try to find the words to justify what I've just done. His jacket is covered in the familiar masculine scent only Elliot holds. It makes me close his jacket around me even more as we walk back into the apartment._

"_It's okay, Liv. Let's just get inside." He said. _

_When we walk in, he sits me down on my couch and begins a pot of tea._

_I don't sit for long when I still realize I'm drenched with rainwater and still wearing Elliot's coat. It's quiet and a little bit of tension is in the air. There are so many questions that need to be answered but there's a wall of fear that's blocking the ability for those questions to be asked. _

_I look at Elliot, "I could see if one of my neighbors might have a change of clothes for you. If you want." _

"_I'm good. You should change though, before you catch a cold." _

_I smile and stand up, "If I can fight off a perp, I can fight a cold." I say and walk to my room. I hang up Elliot's coat on the door and close it for privacy. _

"_Can you tell me what happened before we got there?" Elliot asked outside my door. I sigh and lean against the wall. I don't even have my shirt on when he asks. I press the warm, dry, cloth against my skin and think about what to tell him. _

"_He had a hostage. His gun was pressed to her head. He told me it wasn't loaded but I didn't have the time to think about it. When he raised that gun, I fired. I swear I didn't know-"_

"_I know, I know." Elliot said calmly. _

"_How many people have you fired at?" I ask. _

_Silence._

_The silence is broken by the whistling of the teapot. The next thing I hear is his footsteps going to the kitchen. A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I pull the shirt over my head and exit the room. When I leave the room, I see him standing over the kettle and pouring a cup of tea for me. _

"_You know, we could've just gone for drinks." I say modestly, wrapping a light sweater around my shoulders._

"_This is okay. I think I might head back home anyway." He said. _

_I nod and take the cup. The warmth instantly hits my hands._

"_Thanks." I say and give him a faint smile._

_He nods in responds and goes to grab his coat. He hangs it over his arm and walks towards the door. Before he leaves, he turns to me._

"_I'm sorry for being such a bitch about this whole thing." I finally tell him before he says anything._

_He chuckles, "I'm just glad you're okay. Let's try this again and don't run out in the rain."_

_I chuckle lightly and say goodbye. I make sure he's completely out of my sight before closing and locking the door. I turn and look out the window at the rain. The tea is still warm in my palms as I think about the only question that occupies my mind:_

_Why am I so attracted to Elliot?_

"The next day I caught a damn cold." I chuckle.

"Did you ever answer that question?" Dr. Collins asks.

I hesitate and in a whisper, I lie, "No."

**To my readers: You've probably already figured this out but I'm going to go by season. The first part will be slow but I'll try to add as much E/O as I can to her stories. Reviews are loved! **


End file.
